too much

16 days smoke-free. All I can say is... "this is completely different". I realized today that, no matter how long my past attempts at quitting had lasted, I never actually gave up nicotene, and all those attempts were therefore false. I had kept the N monster alive with gum, patches - even chewing tobacco during an unfortunate couple of months back in '02. Now he, the monster, is dying. And nothing prepared me for this. My body kept me on my toes for the first week and a half or so what with the no-sleeping, indigestion, etc. Now I'm settling into the big, macro changes... I'm losing my mind a little bit.

Hey it's all gonna work out. Here's sports.

I went to the doctor last week, also for the first time in years, and got my first colonoscopy ever. I had no idea they just gave those things out of the blue like that - I thought there'd be some forewarning, or foreplay at the very least, but all I got was: "Now's the part where you drop your shorts, bend over and put your elbows on the table". I was just expecting the lubed finger, the same lubed finger I'd gotten on pretty much all my previous doctor's visits. So when I heard him opening a box behind me as I bent over the table, I turned around and sure enough he was preparing a... thing. It was long and white and tubular and looked like pretty much nothing I'd had up my ass so far. The doctor came up behind me and said (no kidding) "Welcome to being 40!" as he plunged the tube all the way up me with a force that was just this side of appropriate and just that of being a little bit hot. Kidding. Not hot. It fucking hurt like a mofo and I resisted as much as I could and retreated forward until i was on my tiptoes over the exam table. He started shouting: "just relax! lean back on it like you're having a bowel movement!" He was literally almost shouting at this point and I was writhing like a stuck pig. Ha. Well, I was just bein' a pussy.. I mean I mean... aaagggh. Afterwards, he told me "that was about the most difficult rectal exam I've ever had to do". Somehow, I felt honored.

I never got to become a drummer. I would like to learn how to play the drums before I die.

I'm not bein' nothin' for Halloween this year. It just didn't end up being a priority for me this time around. I think, though, that I shall wear my seersucker suit. That's it... I'll be a seersucker.

schwoop. I have no idea what I'm talking about. out.