Cheesy Birthday Poims

So, three of my friends actually sat down to write me "cheesy birthday poems" as requested in the invite. I wanna post them, but won't say who they're from, just in case any of them have a problem with me posting the poems on my blog. I didn't ask them, b/c they might've said no. It's always easier to get forgiveness than permission.

They're so great. Here they are:

1.

You're a pretty tough nut to crack
Not really, I've got you pretty well figured out.
But that doesn't mean you're not complicated.

Wow, I meant for this poem to be way crappier
And I fucked up already.
There's still time to recover.

You're old, man.
Not really, you're timeless, or whatever, and it's all relative.
Shit, I totally meant for this poem to be more about the poem
And less about you
Not that it shouldn't be about you, Tom T-----
Because it's your birthday and a milestone or whatever one at that,
But posing like this poem is more about itself than you
Is a poetic tactic of subtlety, not hitting you over the head with what a poem
is about
Which would be appropriate for a crappy poem to do, thinking it is what a
regular poem would do.

Back to you.

You're from New England and like to have makeup put on you. You can be
flamboyant for a mostly straight guy.

A crappy poem, apparently, makes flat quasi-factual statements about the
person it is about, in a random order as they present themselves.

You were in the circus.

I could tell you a lot more about yourself, to remind you who you are on this
birthday, and as a crappy poem I probably should, but you don't really need
to hear it anyway because you know it.

So remember who you are, Tom T-----. I am going to end this poim before
I give in to the urge to go way profound.


2.

Over the hill
With looks that kill
Approaching that age
When you turn a new page.
But who's counting the years passed
When you've got experience vast
And a lust for life
Creating union, not strife
They say it isn't in how it all ends
But how loved you are by your friends
And in the case this is true,
There's no one luckier than you


3.

Tom, Tom, oh Birthday Tom
Would you like some cardemom?
If you do, I can get you some
If you tell me where to get it,
Cuz I don't live around here.

Happy day for snappy Tom
I hope you didn't have a crappy Mom
One that made you wear socks with pom-POMs
Because that would suck, cuz kids would
Make fun of you, not only at lunch.
Not like that would be any different from now.
People make fun of you, I mean.

No! I'm kidding! don't cry, Tom
You're neater than I can say on a CD-ROM
Please don't be mad, I think you're the bomb.
No, really, Tom, no one makes fun of you.
Don't be dohm.

Happy Birthday!